Feb 19 2008
Avoiding the “free advice” coffee date
There is a reason the flight attendants tell you to put your air mask on before helping the person in the seat next to you. You have to help yourself first if you want to survive in business.
Making sure your company is profitable gives you the means to perform charity/pro bono work long-term and from a position of abundance. Helping everyone else and disrespecting your own needs is an almost sure path to failure.
Many of my friends with service-based businesses have told me their battles with the “coffee date.” They meet someone at a networking event, the person expresses interest in getting to know them, and a date is set up. When my friends arrive, however, they find the date is really not about networking and helping each other succeed; it is about getting free advice.
Coaches, healers, organizers, computer technicians, etc., – they all have a great deal of knowledge as their “product.” No one would ask a widget maker to give away free widgets over coffee, so I’m not sure why it is expected that service professionals would give away free advice. The reason their information is so valuable is that it took them a long time to learn and master it.
If you are a service provider who regularly gets asked to coffee dates that turn into free consulting sessions, here are some tips to get your time back:
- Set up your coffee date via phone rather than email. You can usually find out quickly if the person truly wants to get to know you or just wants the benefit of your expertise. Even better, make it 3- or 4-some coffee date with a few others you want to get to know.
- While on the phone, ask them the top 3 things you will learn about their business and referral needs and tell them the top 3 things they will learn about yours. This sets the expectation for the give-and-take of a true networking meeting.
- There is nothing wrong with giving away occasional free consulting – if you are doing so by your choice. Make sure you do this deliberately and let your audience know the market value of your services. This helps them appreciate it as well as making sure they don’t tell other people to come to you for similar free sessions.
- Devise a playbook for these situations. I have a mental checklist for new contacts who want to “get to know me better” and you can do the same (this also works well with people who only want to sell to you and are not interested in a true referral relationship).
Some of my entrepreneur friends have come up with terrific ideas for warding off the takers and sussing out true customer leads and networking relationships.
The best by far?
Offer an introductory consulting package with a price that goes toward any of your services. For example, a phone/in-person consultation could go for $150, and if future services are booked that money goes toward the package. If not, the customer got $150 worth out of the first meeting and you both walk away satisfied. Pitch this package for every “iffy” coffee date request and check the response. If you do have a free networking coffee date that goes off track, you can always refer back to this package and let your date know you are happy to help them at that rate.
Remember that as a service professional your store’s inventory is in your head. Treat it as well as you would a product, and in no time you will have the means to offer pro bono work by choice and on a grander scale than you can as a new business owner.
Posts
Fantastic advice! I’m so glad you finally put this in words for us all to see - as “free advice”! ha ha ha! Seriously, this is a real sore spot for many so thanks for helping them feel empowered to charge what they are worth and not let the “mind suckers” take advantage!
Thanks, Karen. I never thought of them as “mind suckers” - I’m getting a whole new visual thanks to you!
Most of the businesses I work with are service-based, and this is a real problem for almost everyone I know. It is ultimately up to the business owner to respect her time and resources, though. Go in with a plan and you’ll save yourself a lot of time and confusion.
Hmmm, we just had coffee date yesterday, Betsy!!! Nicest mindsuck I’ve had in a long time. . . . .
Seriously, I think we were a model for what a coffee date should be & hope you think so, too.
Thanks, Working Girl! Yes, coffee yesterday was great - a nice give and take to help each other with business. I wish they were all so good. Can’t wait for your book to be on the shelves!
Hi Betsy,
Great advice! This is something that I get asked about a lot. It seems that some people so often have ulterior motives when a coffee date is requested that a lot of people are now wary of participating in coffee dates.
There truly is safety in numbers for most people will not behave badly in front of others and it is easier to set the tone and expectations for everyone when there are more than 2 people involved. That’s a great suggestion and I wish more people would consider doing that for you actually get and give more information (for the time you allot to the activity) when there are more people present … and 4 is a great number to strive for. When you have more than 4, you’ll find the conversation is difficult to follow because people break into side bar conversations.
I love that you give permission to service people to “own” the knowledge that they have accrued and charge for it appropriately. My favorite pet peave are the folks who say something like, “I’d like to pick your brain, how about I buy you a cup or coffee or take you to lunch….” As if that is the correct way to get the information that they are looking for. Picking my brain is not an activity that I readily allow other folks to do. That’s the same as Picking my Pocket … and we all know what that means … it means taking something that is not yours. Cold hard fact is that it is stealing and the takers try to dress it up by calling it picking your brain.
Anyway, great post and thank you for shining a light on how to handle the situation!
“Let me pick your brain” - we’ve all heard that before! I’ve never thought of it like picking my pocket but you are absolutely correct. And I’m sure most of us have an hourly rate that is higher than the price of a standard coffee or lunch. One alternative would be to suggest they buy lunch at Morton’s, I guess!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your wisdom, Zita.
Hi Betsy,
I’m really glad you posted this. I knew this was a common experience, just didn’t know how common! I wonder also how many people truly do this practice out of ignorance. I know when it happened to me it was really from a place of wanting to get to know me, but also to get help.
I believe the intentional way to go about asking for help is to just ask for it. Once you put it on the table, what you need help with, the response you get can come in the form that is a win/win. The person being asked for help can give a rate, or a referral, but can give from the place that feels like they are helping, but not giving away their services for free. The person asking for the help can do it from a place of integrity and clarity and really might get better help than they expected. That way you have the opportunity to continue building a good relationship instead of one laced with bad feelings or being taken advantage of.
Thanks again for posting this! Always good to have a reminder of how to communicate better (for ourselves, our businesses and for our customers!).
-Sylvia
Yes, a very good topic and great comments to the post. I agree with Zita - the term, “picking your brain” just leaves a bit to be desired.
I have taken a lesson from Nancy Juetten which has really helped me interract with the great women of eWomen (some of who are very new in business, or have not created enough revenues to invest in my services.
Nancy has a fantastic packet of information for anyone who does not want to pay $200 per hour to meet with her. She has tips booklets, and also a fantastic group “tea” where one could really leverage their investment for many new ideas. This way she can still be of help and service to others at any point.
Due to my schedule I don’t have much time for coffee or tea as it is, and I love the idea of a phone conversation. This can really maximize time and sort out what it is that the other person is most interested in.
As for giving away knowledge - I do it in these ways - being a speaker, choosing organizations I can be of service for, and occasionally leading workshops that have a low dollar investment. It makes me feel good, and I never get pushed into it - only do it as it fits into my goals and schedule.
Eventually new business owners learn that it takes an investment to get good advice and ideas. Sometimes it is a money investment, other times a time investment - or both.
Great topic!
Lori Richardson
Score More Sales - Sales Effectiveness Organization
I struggled mightily about how to handle requests for coffee or tea. As a solopreneur, every minute counts. And, when you take into account the drive time, the time to connect, and the fact that most coffee dates initially set for 30 minutes invariably go much longer, how can a busy business owner justify it?
Kristen Schuerlein of Affirmagy once advised me to “Be a bulldog for your time and protect it as if your life depends on it … because it does.” What else do we have, if not our time and our lives, especially if we are professional service providers?
I have learned to offer “virtual coffee or tea” That saves the commute time and also keeps me close to the clock to make sure that 15 minute chats stay true to that timeframe. And, of course, I do offer the Publici-Tea events that give others access to my consulting in a warm and cozy group setting. That seems to have really struck a nerve and met a need in the marketplace. Hurray for that for all!
Very good food for thought. I have struggled with my goal of wanting to connect with other members…and realizing the time it really does take for the coffee dates -1 on 1. Very good info Betsy, thank you SO much for sharing it.
“There is a reason the flight attendants tell you to put your air mask on before helping the person in the seat next to you. You have to help yourself first if you want to survive in business.”
How funny! My sister and I were just talking about this. As a flight attendant in a former life, she asked me why I had to tell my passengers this. She lightheartedly mocked the advice and said, “Yeah, right. Like a parent is not going to put the mask on his/her child first.” As I told my sister, you’d better put the mask on yourself first. You’re going to be no good to your child when you’re passed out from lack of oxygen! Service professionals, listen to your flight attendant (I mean, Betsy)!
[…] more productive on both sides and inspired a change in the way I do business. When I stopped having all those free coffee dates my income went up and my interactions were more […]